Covered in Rain
by TheYellowKirby
Summary: A girl covered in rain and a guy who doesn't know what to do with her. So, what do you do when that girl does show up on your doorstep one dark night? A short MeiTou work in progress. CHAPTER 4 IS UP AS OF OCT 14, 2008!
1. Satin Tears

Covered in Rain

Written by: Ciuline Ihmenjo

Card Captor Sakura does not belong to me. The characters in Card Captor Sakura do not belong to me. CLAMP owns CCS. Besides, even if you do try and sue me, I have no money.

_Little words…_

I was just sitting around one night, trying to relieve my writer's block that had settled over 'Fallen Neo' when this little "diddy" popped out of my head and onto my computer monitor. Blame it on John Mayer if you would because it was the song "City Love" that inspired the words that now appear before you. I don't expect to receive many reviews on this story, seeing as it doesn't follow the usual S+S or E+T pairings, but I do hope that at least a few people will pay attention to it. And please don't just overlook this because it is Meilin and Touya. I find that I write alternate pairings much better than the usual CCS couples. Ah well, that's just me and now I'm rambling, so onward with the story.

_Italicized words_ are thoughts. **Bold words** are emphasis. CAPS WORDS are shouting.

**o()o Satin Tears o()o**

She appeared on my doorstep one night, covered in rain and a red dress. A wraith of the night, dressed in a form-fitting scarlet. She was only sixteen, but I found that out later. The only thing she carried physically was a plastic bag, tied closed by a loose knot, that hung by her side. Mentally, she seemed to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. I could tell she had a lot of troubles though. The way that she carried herself told me that she had a lot of things on her mind. One pale hand clutched the flimsy plastic handles, the grip on them slowly tightening until her fingernails dug into the flesh of her palm. A shiver shook her shoulders as she dug the toe of one tattered black shoe into ground, keeping a precarious balance on her other foot.

In all, she looked like a wreck. After a moment of silence, she finally looked up – at least moved her head up slightly – tilting her chin upwards. Her expression was haggard as if a great burden had been placed upon her shoulders. Her eyes were still trying to bore a hole in the ground at her feet. A livid bruise marred her cheek, another one peeking out from the neckline of her dress. The red dress was even ripped in places, showing pale skin in some places, blue and black in others. A pair of torn white socks and a pair of equally ragged shoes were on her feet. A slight flush blossomed on her face as she realized I was looking her over, almost as if she was embarrassed that a stranger was showing some concern for her well being. Maybe she was embarrassed because of the condition she was in. _In reality_, I mused, _she probably figured that I was checking her out._ She had a sort of wan smile on her lips.

I didn't recognize her at first. I suppose no one would have, not even her own relatives would have known who she was.

"May I help you?" I ventured, trying to place her face from the last few years. I had no luck.

"I-It's me," she managed through chattering teeth. She hugged her arms around her sides, wincing as one limb brushed against one of the bruises. I could see it through one of the tears in the dress.

I wracked my brain again to match a face with a name. "I'm sorry," I said, "do I know you?"

The sides of hermouth turned downward. She began mumbling something unintelligible. "Damn it," she muttered (it was the first thing that I could make out), "I knew it." She stamped her foot on the ground – the same one that had recently been attempting to gouge a hole in my doormat. "I'm sorry," she said, looking up at me, finally meeting my eyes with her own. She gazed up at me, pale and distant. Her eyes were like blazing rubies, but they had lost much of their former shine. Dark hair hung down around her face in black strings. She brushed them casually away, dropping her arm back to her waist when she had finished the task. Some of the strands stayed plastered to her face by the rain.

Something flashed in my mind… something from the past. A girl running around with my sister and her best friend. And that damned _gaki_. _Shit_, my brain said. I think the word emerged from my mouth as well.

The girl clutched her arms tighter around her waist. "I'm sorry," she repeated. Her voice now carried a sort of sad ring to it. "I-I didn't know wh-where else t-to turn to," she sputtered. "Y-you were the only one that I could think of."

"Me?" The look on my face was one of utter confusion.

She looked down again, carefully studying the patterns of wear in her shoes. "I… I didn't know anywhere to go. Everyone else… they don't care. I figured, since you… since you…" She broke off in a helpless sputtering. Her hands that had been a flurry of motion while she was speaking were now clutched together as if in prayer.

"I'm being rude," I said. Gently placing a hand on her shoulder, I gently tried to usher her inside. She flinched noticeably and jerked her shoulder out of my reach. Her hands were set before her in a sort of defensive posture. She sputtered again, trying to form words that wouldn't come to her. "Why don't you come inside. It's freezing out."

She nodded, bobbing her head up and down vigorously. "Thank you," she said meekly, but made no effort to enter.

"It still isn't much, but it gets the family by. You should come in before you catch cold." I paused, one hand on the door. "We like to call it home."

"And Yukito?" The bag landed on the ground with a wet splat. The opaque white of the plastic didn't quite fit with the peach blossom doormat. It was a gift from my sister.

I squeezed my eyes shut, my step faltering. I hoped she didn't noticed, but when I opened my eyes her face hovered inches away. She had walked forward only about a half meter, covering the distance between us with that single step, and now was standing right in the middle of the doorframe. I had jammed an arm against the wall to keep my body upright. The other was at my side, hand curled into a clenched fist. She backed away when she saw that hand, her body a knot of tense muscles. She was once again outside in the rain, stooping down to collect her bag. We both looked away, using our embarrassment at the awkwardness of the situation as an excuse.

"Sorry," she murmured. I barely heard her words over the patter of rain outside. Then the sound of footsteps reached my ears and I glanced up. She stood in the middle of the hall – her hair still hung about her face in tangles – dripping rain on the carpet while I tried to find a way to pull my foot out of my mouth.

"He… left," I said finally, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over the room. "He found someone else, told me that I would do the same in time." I snorted. "It's been about two years and I'm still left with no one." A slight chuckle escaped my lips. "Some things just die hard, no? Feelings are usually like that." I gave her my best smile in the same lie it had displayed to everyone around me. I suspected that she saw through it.

"Yeah, they do." The words emerged from her mouth just below at the level of a whisper so I had to strain to hear them. She stared, dumbfounded afterwards, before nodding dumbly. The bag had fallen to the carpet, soaking a darkening circle of dampness on the floor. "You're okay though, right?"

I nodded. It was the only response that didn't involve me putting my fist into or through a solid object that would come to my brain. "Who are you again?" I asked. She was still standing in the middle of the hall, dripping rain onto the carpet. Her body was still coiled like a spring.

"You really don't remember me?" I shook my head, finally feeling my fist unclench. And my arm stopped trembling. She seemed to relax. "Meilin," she said softly, sniffling a little.

Then it hit me like a bullet. "The Chinese _gaki_'s cousin." The words were a mistake as soon as they hit the air. She started to cry.

"I…" she sniffled, wiping her nose on bare arm. It was the first time I even gave her a second look. She looked like she had been beaten with some sort of blunt object. There were dark circles under her eyes. Her arms were marked with bruises, most likely from where she had tried to defend herself. One sleeve was missing from the dress, the other torn off at the shoulder. Her teeth clacked together and she hugged her body again. The tears still fell.

I led her over to the couch and went off to find a towel. She wouldn't let me. Two hands grasped my arm by the wrist, holding me fast. Something in my mind told me that I could get away easily but that I should just stay. It was that same feeling I got when Yuki left me. A sudden feeling of dread.

A sigh left her lips on a wisp of air. "I'm the idiot." She buried her face in her hands. The sobbing increasing in volume and intensity. When she finally started to speak, she didn't look up. Her words were somewhat mumbled by her hands. "I thought it would change. That it was only a phase." Peeking up from the prison of her cupped palms, she used the remainder of one sleeve to rub her eyes. "Why was I so stupid?" The question was phrased not to me, but the air. I decided to keep my mouth shut.

"I think I should be asking if you are okay instead of the other way around." I sank onto the couch beside her. There was a slight squishing noise when she shifted her weight away from me.

She looked up to stare past me, eyes red-rimmed from crying. There was no waiting for the question, only her response. "I'm a wreck."

"I can tell."

The only response I received was her rolling her eyes. Her arms dropped to her side, flopping against the red cloth covering the couch. Her dress blended as nicely with it as her bruised skin contrasted with it.

"Really, you were the only one that I had left. Li is too busy with Kinomoto…" There was a slight pause before she continued, "I meant, Sakura, and well, everyone else I know is telling me to do my duty as a woman and marry that… that…" she sputtered for a moment, unable to find the words that so desperately wanted to escape her mouth. "That demon!" The words flew from her mouth, propelled by her frustration and humiliation. "All I have is a little money and a change of clothes. And a few letters from Daidouji and Kino… Sakura." She held up the drenched plastic bag almost daintily pinched between two fingers. The wan smile had reappeared on her face and she began to place the aforementioned articles onto the table. "All I could find that hadn't been either ripped to shreds or was even somewhat decent was… this." Two pieces of folded cloth landed on the table, skidding a few inches before stopping. One edge hung limply over the edge. "I'd be surprised if it still even fit me." She picked it up, unfurling the garment with a flick of her wrists. I saw the wince play over her features as she moved. It was a multi-colored fighter's gi – mostly red, white and gold – that I remembered seeing a few times before then. Memories of the past that surfaced for an instant before submerging back into the recesses of my mind. An almost warm smile came to her lips, but the expression shortly faded back to that sad look.

"How did you…" I began.

She intercepted the question well before I finished it. "I used some of my money to buy a ticket. He may have traced a credit card or check… even though I don't think he cared. And the family's probably disowned me now." She had finally stopped crying. Instead, she was running her fingers through her hair, trying to fix it from the long strings that fell in front of her face. "But, I flew all the way here in a torn dress and beaten-up shoes. It was all that I could find." She chuckled, the first real positive thing I had gotten from her. "I was in such a rush to get out of the house. He grabbed at me before I could get out and I slipped a few times… but I'm free." She looked at me, smoothing her hair out the best she could. "That's all the really matters, you know?"

I nodded. "Do you need anything for your… uh… injuries." I got up, walking over to the sink to fill a bowl with warm water. "We have a first aid kit in the bathroom."

"I'm fine," she said softly. I knew she didn't mean those words. It was the same thing I said when people asked me how I was coping with the loss of Yukito. You never really are fine when you lose the one you love. And you never really mean the words that you say. It's little more than an elaborate façade to keep those people around you from pitying you.

"Really?"

"What do you think," she snapped. There was no apology this time.

"I'd agree with your assessment that you are a mess right now. You need a shower, a fresh change of clothes, and a good night's sleep. I'm sure you'd look fine in one of my shirts or something. After all, I don't think the monster would like it if you went rummaging through her stuff." I turned the water off and located a fresh washcloth in one of the drawers near the sink. A fluffy towel was in the same drawer – used at times for drying the dishes, so I took it out, deciding to bring it with me. She had repositioned herself on the couch and was bent over her belongings.

"Point taken." She gave me a saccharine smile that masked whatever she was currently feeling. There were a few envelopes on the table, and she was flipping leisurely through some of them as if searching for something. She obviously found it because the next time I looked over at her, she was intently reading an unfolded piece of paper.

"Who's that from?" I asked, setting the bowl of water before her on the edge of the table.

"Your sister." She didn't look up, didn't even pause in her reading. "It's from the summer. Something about this… thing she and Li did. I think it was a project for school or something." I decided to hand her the towel now that she was finished. She grabbed it fiercely and began to pat her head and body down with it, wincing ever moment she pressed on a particularly sore area. Sighing deeply, she smoothed her dress out and stood. The next thing I knew, she was pacing behind the couch, still furiously rubbing the dampness from her body

"You going to take up my offer?" I asked.

"Offer?" she responded, still walking back and forth behind my couch. She had the towel draped around her neck, one hand grabbing each end.

"Bath, clothes, and a dry bed." I turned around on the couch so that I could her, draping my arms over the back of it. "I mean… I can always sleep on the couch." I patted one of the dry seat cushions lightly. "It's old but it's still pretty comfortable."

"Is it still available? The… the offer I mean." Her ears perked up and her expression lightened noticeably. I thought I detected a slight tinge of pink in her cheeks. But she didn't strike me as the type of person who blushed over nothing. I saw it as nothing at least. Just a simple gesture of kindness.

I nodded. "Bathroom is the first door on the right." I pointed at the stairs and she scrambled for them. Of course, she stumbled, tripping over her own two feet before she managed to get a hand on something too keep her upright. And of course, my own two feet betrayed me by bringing my closer to her like the charming prince dashing to the rescue. Only she was no princess and I definitely didn't qualify as a prince. She spun quickly on one heel, both hands wildly flailing for a purchase. They only found my shirt to cling to. Somehow, my arm wrapped itself around her waist, supporting her gently but firmly. A small gasp of surprise escaped her pursed lips. We must have made an interesting sight. Two wide-eyes people trying to figure out appropriate words for this sort of situation. The truth was… we couldn't.

She flushed crimson now and I supposed I did as well. I could feel my cheeks burning a fiery red. We were drawing unconsciously closer together by the second. Her face was mere inches from mine, a look of curiosity now gracing her countenance. And then I could feel her breath, hot on my face. _You know you want to kiss her_, a voice said in the back of my mind. I did my best to keep it from voicing any of those thoughts. Yet she made no move to fight my advance or the hand that had now snaked around her neck. I attributed it to additional support. A blatant lie, but I needed something to shut that damned voice up. The door chose that moment to open in the background, startling us both out of our gaze… and completely ruining the mood. All we could to is look up helplessly at the source of the noise, still frozen in the awkward position in which we had managed to place ourselves.

Sakura had just stepped inside, her mouth now gaping open in shock. A pair of keys dangled limply from her hand, and her arms were slack by her sides. "What are you doing?" she cried from the doorway. She was unable to close her umbrella before it clattered against the floor, rolling to a stop with a gentle thump against the wall.

_Small reminders…_

Okay, so I did it again. I was fully intending to write a one shot, but my beta reader basically said "you should try and write more of this because it'll be too open ended unless you make it like… a lot of pages!" Or, at least, it was something along those lines. So I did… I wrote more of it. I'll be ducking the flames now. With that said, please give me feedback on this and overlook the fact that it is a Meilin/Touya story (repetition I know, after all you did read the story somewhat if you got to here!). They don't have to be the usual couples to actually be a well-written story. Plus, this just wouldn't quite fit as well with Eriol and Tomoyo (though I had originally written it for them) and **definitely** not well at all with Sakura and Syaoran.

See you next update: _Ciuline Ihmenjo_


	2. Approaching Storm

Covered in Rain

Written by: Ciuline Ihmenjo

Card Captor Sakura does not belong to me. The characters in Card Captor Sakura do not belong to me. CLAMP owns CCS. Besides, even if you do try and sue me, I have no money.

_Little words…_

Wow… it's about time that I finally updated this story. Mostly, I've run into a patch of really really bad writer's block with Fallen Neo, so I decided to go poking through some of my old writing files to see what I had there. I found this story, read through the reviews for the first chapter, and figured 'why not?'

Basically, I had originally decided to leave Covered in Rain at a cliff hanger-esque ending so that I could decide whether or not to continue writing it. I had started a second chapter for the story, but I did not have the confidence to post it. It was the urging of one of my friends that caused me to post the first chapter in the first place. I just didn't expect any fan response. So, here you go… after a very long wait, I present the second chapter of Covered in Rain!

_Italicized words_ are thoughts. **Bold words** are emphasis. CAPS WORDS are shouting.

**o()o Approaching Storm o()o**

I think that I ended up dropping her.

At least, she fell first, and I let go. When I think back on it, I really don't remember what happened. Since she won't really bring up the subject (most likely due to a gross embarrassment) I don't think I'll ever know. It's not all that important though, because she never hit the ground. But she hadn't released her death-grip on my shirt. We ended up in a tangled heap of arms and legs. A soft thump announced another awkward moment. She rubbed a bump on her head from where it collided with mine, wincing slightly at the gesture. Her face turned a shade of deep crimson, and she tried to cover herself up. At the same time, she hid her face in the crook of my elbow. My sister didn't notice, or at least pretended not to.

"If you are going to do **that** in my house, then please take it upstairs." She tapped a foot on the ground, stooping to gather up the umbrella.

I glared at her. "Anything that I do cannot possibly be as bad as watching a _kaiju_ and a _gaki_ fumbling around trying to kiss each other."

She slammed her foot down on the floor. "I AM NOT A MONSTER!" Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she returned a glare that hardened in my direction. "And Syaoran is not a _gaki_."

"Whatever." I shrugged, flashing a lopsided grin in her direction. She made some noise of protest while I glanced around, trying to locate the third person that should be in the room. Meilin had already taken her leave. It was a silent one that left me confused on how she had managed to untangle herself from me without my notice. Most likely, she had not wanted the situation to be any more awkward. The small puddle soaked into the carpet was the only sign that she had existed there at all. I could hear her footsteps pattering down the upstairs hall.

"Who was that?" Sakura asked. She shook a few stray drops of rain from her head. Currently, she was peering in the mirror in the front hall, rearranging a few loose strands of hair and checking to see the state of her own clothes. A slight grimace appeared on her face when she realized that she had splashed water on her dress.

"What do you mean 'that'?"

"Simple, that girl you were with." She added, "I thought it was obvious," but that was under her breath. By now, she had stopped grooming herself in the mirror and was making her way to the kitchen. With nothing else to do, I followed. "She looked like some sort of prostitute." She choked on her next breath, almost stumbling over her feet. "Touya, you aren't—"

"Can it squirt," I muttered. Reaching out with one hand, ruffling her hair, I flashed her an honest smile. It wasn't hard to lie; I had been doing it for years now. Although, this time, it was not the case.

"So she wasn't some girl you picked up off the streets?"

"She's just an old friend who's just run into a patch of bad luck." I smiled and shrugged almost helplessly. "Really, it's none of your concern. She can sort through this herself."

"And who exactly is she?" Her foot tapped against the floor again, a loud patter compared to the soft rushing of feet on the upstairs carpet. She folded her arms over her chest and pursed her lips together. "What's Dad going to say about her?"

"He's not going to say anything. He's working late." I closed my eyes and shook my head. "Besides, she'll be out of the way." A door opened softly and closed in the background. Moments later, the water started running.

"She looks like she was beaten," Sakura said softly. "What exactly happened to her?"

I gritted my teeth. "It's not your concern."

"You brought her into the house!" She stormed over to me, jabbing a finger into my chest. "Why won't you tell me?"

"You wouldn't understand." I shook my head. "It's not your fault she's like this. And plus, the _gaki_ might worry."

"Syaoran is not a gaki!" she fumed. Then her head tilted in the way that it usually did when she was confused by a certain subject. "Wait, why would Syaoran be worried?" she asked. Her index finger was at her bottom lip and her eyebrow was furrowed with concentration.

"Don't think too hard," I said with a slight smile, "you may pop your brain."

I heard her growl at me in the background and ducked just in time for a pillow to go sailing over my shoulder. "I'll pop you first!" she muttered, walking briskly over to pluck the pillow from the ground. She shook her head and tossed it back on the couch, where it landed with a wet slap. Her body followed the pillow, landing with a flop on the cushions only seconds later. And she leapt off the couch only a moment later as her back encountered the large wet spot there.

Thankfully, I had managed to change the subject. I don't think that Meilin would go though all of the trouble of flying secretly to Japan just to have Syaoran find out. Maybe she had told him, but, at the time, I didn't know what she had done. My best bet was to wait and see what she wanted to do. Besides, as much as I didn't fully approve of her current relationship (and I doubted that I ever would fully approve it), I didn't want to place Sakura under any pressure of having to keep a secret from Syaoran.

"As for myself, I'm going up to my room." I smiled. Her eyes narrowed. "If I remember correctly, someone owes me a favor for waking up late and having to get a ride to school from her older brother." Stuffing one hand into my pocket, I waved the other one as I turned. "That means… it's your turn to make dinner tonight."

She hrumphed and I heard the heel of her shoe slam into the floor. "What do you plan to do about all this water?"

"I'll clean the carpets and furniture tomorrow or something. I need to make sure our guest is comfortable."

"And you still aren't telling me who this guest is?"

"Of course not."

Maybe Meilin would tell her. I only shrugged and trudged up the stairs.

O o o o o O

I only had enough time in my room to slip my sneakers off and collapse on the bed. My arms were sprawled out, one draped over the side until it was just above the floor. That was the point when she entered.

There was no noise. She was a ghost drifting slowly along wood grain and past pink-tinted insulation. By that time, I had closed my eyes and began to drift off to sleep. Sakura would usually wake me for dinner, and if she did not, I would have leftovers waiting for me in the fridge with a note teasing me about sleeping in. It wasn't like I didn't do that exact same thing when she managed to wind up drooling all over a paper about the Tokugawa era or a sheet of calculus problems.

At the present moment, I needed to mull over what was happening. I wanted to figure out why she had come to me. Maybe it was the feeling of loss that we shared, but I didn't recall her knowing that Yukito had left me. Maybe it was because she didn't know where to turn. It could have been because I was the one who would know the least about her. Still, why me? The ghosts in her closet may need to be locked inside; any of her friends or the people who knew her would manage to open that door. When the old wounds opened, she would die inside.

That is a horrible feeling.

The sound of soft footsteps echoing off the walls was the only indication that I received of her presence. Her black hair was slick and extended well past her shoulders and almost to her waist. She wore it almost like a waterfall – a black torrent that fell over the lines of her body. The dress and other clothes were draped over her arm. She clutched the pair of shoes in her hands. Now she wore a large, pink towel that I gathered to belong to my sister. She also wore her wounds. A livid bruise began at her shoulder, just where the dress would cover it, and extended down to the towel line; the one near her neck almost merged with it. The mark showed no signs of fading and did not get any smaller there, so I only figured that it continued well past that point. At that moment, she must have caught me looking at her, because she turned to the side.

"Do you have a trash can?" she murmured. She approached the bed and stood before me, still turned slightly to the side. Her head angled down again, and she turned it from side to side as if examining a mark on the floor.

"Over there." I pointed, and when she didn't move, I gently tapped her on the arm. She jumped and apologized profusely, switching between a flurry of Chinese and Japanese that I couldn't understand. I only caught the word 'sorry' at least a dozen times.

In that period of time, her bag plopped to the floor. It landed with a wet splat that seemed to knock her out of her daze. Shaking her head a few times, she scanned the room for the trash can. Upon finding it, she trudged over to the small plastic cylinder and dumped the load in her arms into it. Then she just stood there, still as if frozen at that exact moment in time.

"Meilin?" I questioned. "Hey, Meilin?" I repeated her name, a little louder this time. The clanging and curses from the kitchen probably would cover up any noise from my room. She still didn't look at me. Instead, she continued to stare down into the depths of my trash can. I sat up, calling her name softly. She looked up, the same sad expression on her face as when she arrived earlier drenched in water and bruises. The only difference now was the water dripping off her body had been pumped through copper pipes and through a shower nozzle instead of plummeting from the heavens. The corner of her mouth began twitching before her knees gave out beneath her. She made no motion to catch herself. A loud crash echoed though the room as her head smacked against my chair. I heard the hollow thump before her arms brushed against a stack of papers off my desk and sent them fluttering down to the floor. It all happened in an instant where I didn't have the time to get to her.

"Ow…" she muttered, rubbing at her head. An overturned desk chair lay at her side, luckily missing her and thus avoiding any other injuries. My papers were scattered around her, some of them helping to absorb the water still trapped in her hair. I rushed over as she began gathering them into a nice stack. "I'm sorry," she said, "I screw up everything." A soft chuckle escaped her lips. "Look at me," she continued, "I don't even have the magic that my clan wants. So they try and marry me off to some guy who does. But even that doesn't work. I did something… maybe he did something because of what I did. I just…" She trailed off. "Look at me!" she cried out after dozens of awkward seconds. "I can't even stand up correctly." She began to sob, still stacking the papers in an almost mechanical way. The tears ran down her cheeks to be sucked up by the pink fluff wrapped around her body. I began to help her, and she broke down.

"Hey… hey… it's..." I stopped. It was the only thing I could think of to say. The words probably would not do too much for her. And of course they sounded mundane and inconsiderate. She had probably heard them millions of times before.

"Okay?" she snorted. "No, it's not okay." She sniffled, rubbing her face with her arm. Every time it passed her cheek, she winced.

I didn't know where to go from there. I placed a hand on her shoulder and used my other hand to tilt her head upward. "Start telling yourself that everything will be okay, and maybe something will look up." I thought I saw the sides of her lips turn slightly upwards, but, when I blinked, her mouth was still set into the same downcast eyes and twitching lips.

"What do you know?" She slapped my hand away. "You're not like me!" Meilin pointed her thumb at her chest. My papers lay forgotten beside her leg. "You won't ever know what it's like for everyone who you know to cast you away." She turned and I heard her slam her fist against my bed. Thankfully, it was only the mattress because the sheets fluttered back down shortly thereafter. She fumed and I could tell she was grinding her fist against my bed. "You **are** accepted by your family and everyone around you. It seems like I'm only a nuisance to them." Her head bowed again until her chin tapped against her collarbone.

"Are you?" I decided not to say anything about my feelings. As different as they were from her – after all, I had been through an entirely different series of events – she acted much like I had reacted after Yukito had left.

"Of course not!" She whirled, almost violently so that her hair swirled about her body. Droplets of moisture flew outwards, striking everything within a short radius of her body. A pair of ruby orbs spit fire at me and she seemed to glow, radiating her anger like a fiery red heat. Her feet were spread wide, her hands balled tightly against her sides.

But, after a few seconds, her shoulders sagged and she sank to her knees. We both remained in the same position until her shoulders started to jerk and the sobs returned. "I-I… I just… I just want them to acknowledge Meilin the person. Why can't they even do that?"

I was at a loss for words. Loss was nothing new to me, but I never knew the feeling of exclusion that she described. I doubted that I ever would. Her gaze traveled up my chest and to my face, her eyes still glistening with tears.

"Why?" she whispered, rubbing at red-rimmed eyes with her arm. A muffled series of sniffled followed as she began sobbing once more.

"Here," I said after a moment, "you look like you could use a few of these." Reaching out to my desk, I grabbed a box of tissues at passed it to her. She smiled, but only for a moment, before letting loose with a loud honk.

"I'm sorry," she said. Black strands had worked their way loose from their delicate perch on her head. Instead of brushing them back, she only sat there, mulling over something that she couldn't quite place. "I shouldn't have come here."

"I don't really mind," I said, waving my hands in front of my face. Shaking my head softly, I placed a hand on my shoulder. Instead of what I expected, she jumped backwards, scrambling away from me on a set of frantic hands and feet.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, easing herself into a sitting position before pulling her legs beneath her. "I'm little more than a screw up. No one really appreciates me except as little more than an annoyance."

"You're not." I sighed, wondering for a moment what had happened to her that gave her these thoughts. "I mean, no one is like that. No matter how much you want to think like that, you definitely aren't a screw up."

She pursed her lips and her brow crinkled. After a moment, she stood up and dusted herself off. "Do you have anything I can wear? You said something about clothes earlier."

"Yeah," I nodded, waving a hand in the direction of my dresser, "just pick whatever you want… or whatever fits you. I don't mind."

"You don't?" Her tone was a mixture of disbelief and amazement. She smiled and stepped over to the dresser, pulling open the middle drawer to examine the shirts I had folded there. I took her only a few seconds to find a shirt she liked. The bottom drawer flew open and she rooted around until she found a pair of sweatpants. Turning slightly, she began to slide the towel down her body.

"Privacy," I mumbled before leaving the room. She made a soft noise of surprise when the door clicked shut. A few moments later, she poked her head out my door. Her eyes met mine for only a moment before she began to stare at the ground. Awkward silence followed as we tried to think of something to say.

"Maybe I'll go out and sit on the roof," she said finally. "I usually can't bother anyone there."

"It's raining." I pointed to where droplets still pattered against my window.

"I've been in worse."

"It's really difficult to get onto the roof?" I said with a shrug.

"I'll find a way."

"I'd still prefer if you would stay inside." I closed my eyes for a moment and upon opening them, found her face hovering inches in front of mine.

"Why?"

"Because," I said softly, "you aren't bothering me at all."

"I'm not?" she questioned. Her right eye twitched before she turned away, trudging back into my room. She collapsed on the bed and began crying softly. At first, I thought that I had done something terribly wrong. I walked to her, shutting the door softly behind me. Then I sat on the bed, placing a hand on her shoulder. I could only pat her head softly, running my hand through her hair as I pulled away from her. I continued until her sobs died down and her breathing rate returned to normal. She curled into a small ball and buried her head in the crook of my knee. It only took seconds for the small ball to ease into a more comfortable position.

"I'll go now," I whispered softly in her ear. "The couch is good enough for me."

I rose and began to start for the door. A sharp tug on my sleeve managed to prevent me from walking out the door.

"Please," she said, "please don't go. You're the only one who isn't telling me that I'm a screw up. And since you haven't done that, you haven't tried to usher me away either." She sniffled. "Please, you're the only person I've met to whom I don't seem to be burden." Her grip on my sleeve tightened. "Please?"

I shut my eyes. "Fine," I breathed, "I'll pull up a chair."

"Then, you're not leaving?"

"I don't have much a reason to leave." Not entirely true, as my stomach chose to silently remind me at that point. "So I guess the answer is no, I'm not leaving."

My words seemed to calm her a little, because she turned onto her side, wincing slightly at the action, and curled into a little ball. One hand darted out to snatch the covers until she had pulled them over her body.

I didn't see her move again.

_Small reminders…_

It has been a long while since I last updated. Wow, I really don't know what I'm going to do with this story, so please please don't pester me about updates. Quite frankly, I don't know when I'll get around to adding another chapter to this story. Maybe I'll wait for another night of rain while I'm listening to John Mayer and find some inspiration there.

See you next update: _Ciuline_ _Ihmenjo_


	3. Crying Rain

…Covered in Rain

Written by: Ciuline Ihmenjo

Card Captor Sakura does not belong to me. The characters in Card Captor Sakura do not belong to me. CLAMP owns CCS. Besides, even if you do try and sue me, I have no money.

_Little words…_

This is what happens when you write something that doesn't really beg for continuation in your own mind but does that sort of begging in the minds of everyone else. So, I just decided to write this mostly because I'm having issues with linking Fallen 23 together correctly.

**o()o A Crying Rain o()o**

It had been nearly two months since she arrived on my doorstep. Two months had passed since she dragged her satin-clad body into my living room. Of course, by now, both Syaoran and Sakura knew that she was living with me. It was even more fortunate that her family had allowed her to stay in Japan. I think they realized that she might have finally discovered the solace that she needed. Perhaps it was only that this house offered her stability that she just did not have in China.

In two months, nearly all signs of physical trauma had disappeared. The bruises faded in the first two weeks. Her fractured wrist – from when he snatched her as she dashed out the door and away from his arms – had taken a bit longer to heal. Of course, no one had found out about it until she declined sparring with the gaki – she had a habit of wearing long sleeves. It took the combined efforts of him and Sakura to drag her to the hospital for a diagnosis. She only needed the basic ace bandage since her body had already began to heal, but she fretted and moaned every moment she had it on. She called it a weakness; I called it cute.

Her clothes and a few minor personal effects arrived in a small cardboard box. Her fiancée had burned most of her stuff when he found out that she had bolted. His lack of foresight and the act of frustration earned him a one-way ticket to a front row seat of the revenge of the Li clan. Last I heard, he was scrubbing down the outside of the mansion… with one of those travel toothbrushes and no safety line. Most of the important things had been hidden away at the mansion by the gaki's mother as a precaution for this sort of destructive behavior, so she was still able to retain her little treasures. But even that woman's influence had not been enough to spare the demon's wrath on its fiancée.

She had spent days at the computer, one of the portable telephones stationed by her arm until she found out that her little box was safe.

I didn't blame her at all, though she apologized profusely for worrying us all so much.

Strangely enough, as much as she warmed up to the rest of them, she seemed to warm even more to me. Perhaps it was because I had answered the door and invited her into the house. Even then, I found myself utterly confused as to why she decided to move into my room. I was even more dumbfounded when her family gave a startlingly quick approval to the arrangement. Sakura only shrugged and gave the tiny smile that said she knew more than she was letting on. The brat only shrugged alongside her. He attempted to explain the whole system that the Li family used to resolve disputes of this sort, but the whole process became lost on me when he was trying to explain the effects of talismans on certain decisions.

I wasn't particularly thrilled with the arrangement. Of course, I had allowed her to stay in my room, at first, if only to shove her out when she began to show signs of healing. Those signs were few and far between. She still shies slightly away when I touch her. So, what I though was originally only a brief stay turned into a much more extended one.

O o o o o O

Tonight I found her sitting on the window sill, moonlight shining down on her face. The wind rushed in from the outside, whipping her hair about her face. The storm front has just reached the area, and I had found myself racing the slow drizzle that usually accompanied these sorts of storms. She looked up at me and smiled, her usual pout transforming into the rare expression of a smile before my eyes.

"You're back early," she said softly. "I didn't expect you to return for some time."

"And you're lucky that you have a key to the house." I set my pack down on the bed and flopped down on beside the light object.

"In case you're wondering," she said, hopping down from her perch, "they went out for dinner with Tomoyo." Soft footsteps echoed through the room as she padded towards the futon beside the bed. A soft click and a general rise in temperature told me she had decided, rather thoughtfully, to shut the window. Her face appeared just above my own. The black threads fell onto my face, trying their best to block out the fluorescent lighting.

"Meaning they actually won't be attempting to suck the air out of each other's lungs." I rolled over and sat up as she plopped down next to me on the floor. Her response was a tiny little smirk that tugged at the edge of her mouth.

"It means that we have the house to ourselves." She began tying her hair back, fingers deftly maneuvering them into her traditional twin ponytails. "You don't have to be so sardonic about it." She rose and made her way to the door. "Should I make dinner for us?" she offered.

"I ate at work," I blurted out before thinking.

"Oh," she said softly and trudged towards the door.

_Stupid! Stupid!_ Mentally, I kicked myself, rolling into a sitting position.

"I can just make something for myself, then." She had turned away from me looking absolutely crestfallen. Even her hair seemed to sag. Her trudge seemed to slow to the speed of a dying snail.

"Of course, that doesn't mean I'm still a little hungry," I called, albeit haltingly, to her back.

It was a dead lie. I had never considered myself a slouch when it came to cooking. Since I had gotten a part-time job at a waiter while attending classes at the university, I had made a deal with the manager to make some meals at the end of my shifts – with a slight cut in my pay – so as not to put as much a drain on my own budget at school having to pay for food at the cafeteria.

Her shoulders perked up at my words. She whirled, nearly tripping over her own two feet. "Hey, I'll make something great!" Energy and balance magically restored, she almost ran into the door on her way out. "You can count on me!" she called cheerfully before skidding down the hall.

I had been looking forward to a longer night. Classes and a job had the high tendency to seriously retard one's energy levels. At the moment, I wanted to do little more than attempt to create Lake Drool in my bed. I had, though, some semblance of compassion – though Sakura would tell you otherwise – that begged me to at least humor my roommate's sudden need to please my stomach.

Groggily, I sat up to the faint sound of a muffled curse and accompanied shifting of at least a dozen metallic bodies.

"Are you okay?" I called after stumbling to the door. She didn't answer.

I leapt out of bed, wondering if she had managed to rain metallic death onto her head. Skidding out of my room without a care for my safety, I dashed down the hall. I nearly stumbled down the stairs in my efforts to take them two at a time. When I finally lurched into the kitchen, I found her amidst a rough ring of pots and pans, dripping tears onto the upturned saucepan in her lap.

"I'm a failure," she muttered, trying to pick up the bits and pieces of scattered cookery.

"You're not," I said, stooping down to aid her in her task.

"That's what they all said." She sniffled. In actuality, it was more of a honk. Not one of those tinny little things, the sound had enough force to echo through the empty house. "I'm one of the few people born to the main family without a single hint of magical aptitude. I screwed things up with Syaoran, so the clan felt it necessary to find me another suitor. From there, I messed things up even more." She had stopped picking things up to clutch the saucepan to her chest. "Nothing ever works for me. I'm just this little black sheep that no one wants."

Outside the rain had begun to fall. Its eerie noise brought me back to the night she arrived here, battered and broken. Now, she had come extremely far from her state during those first few weeks.

"And if you keep thinking like that, you'll only ever amount to little more than nothing." I began to place the pans back in the cupboard over the stove. "You've done great while living here."

"You're not helping," she sniffled, softer this time. I might have had to repair damage to the foundation if she kept on with her previous sniffling.

"I'm telling it like it is," I said over my shoulder. "Besides, weren't you going to make dinner?"

"Oh!" She leapt to her feet, forgetting the saucepan in her hands. It slammed into the ground. At least, it would have, were her feet not in the way. She cried out, falling back to the ground to examine her toes, blowing cool air over them in an effort to dull the pain. She began muttering again in her intelligible Chinese. I had begun to pick up on things, most noticeably after Sakura had picked up the same habit, so I knew a few of the words emerging from her mouth. Overall, she was swearing. Under everything, she was hurting, and definitely not in a physical sense.

"I can make dinner, you know."

"You said you were hungry," she muttered through clenched teeth. "I'm not so inept that I can't make dinner."

I stooped down, scooping up the saucepan and the remaining lids that littered the floor. "Yes, but you don't seem to be having much luck with it." I stopped, trailing off with the last few syllables. No matter how many times I rolled the last phrase over in my brain, none of the outcomes came out in a positive manner.

The look she shot me was of pure misery. She stood abruptly and ran from the room, out the front door and into the rain. Wind howled through the now open portal. The door pounded against the wall and I could hear the drizzle of rain pattering through the front door.

"Meilin!" I shouted, dashing after her. I whizzed through the front door, grabbing the handle as I ran out. The door shut with a wet slap as I dashed to the front wall. I scanned the surroundings for any sign of her. She was halfway down the street, doubled-over and trying to bring herself back to her feet.

I rushed over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She turned, whipping around with fire blazing in her eyes. Her fists were clenched tighter only than her jaw.

"God damn you!" she shouted, hurling herself towards me.

"Stop, Meilin, please," I said softly, fending off her frenzied blows as water poured down around us.

"All of you! Damn all of you!" she shouted. Her feet shot out from under her again and I rushed forward to grab her. Unfortunately, she grabbed me and we toppled to the concrete. I found a way to wrap myself around her, turning slightly to cushion myself against the oncoming blow. I squeezed my eyes shut.

My shoulder slammed into the ground. The impact snapped my teeth together and sent a dizzying pattern of spots over my vision. Something that wasn't supposed to make popping noises did so to the accompaniment of a grating noise. Through all of this, I somehow managed to keep a grasp on her. I could feel her body pressed into my own.

When I opened my eyes, I was staring directly into her panic-stricken eyes. She was trying to hit me. For the amount of effort she was expending, she was getting nowhere – somehow I had pinned her arms to her sides in our mutual plummet. I felt her knee drive into my groin and a woosh of air leave my lungs, but still I clung to her. Eventually she began to calm down, her struggles ceasing until she fell limp in my grasp. Her head came to rest atop my own. Her breath came in ragged gasps.

"I think that dislocated my shoulder," I said with a wince.

"I hope it dislocated your brain," she snapped back over gulps of air.

I chose wisely to keep my mouth shut. Too many kicks to the shin by Sakura had taught me this lesson.

"I can't believe you," she cried out when she finally regained a normal breathing rate. "After everything I've been through, you turn out to be just as much of an insensitive prick as every single other guy. You god damned bastard!"

I winced, more from the shoulder than her words. "I'm afraid you've got the wrong guy."

This response only provoked a more furious response in her. Her arms wiggled loose from my grasp and I took a few neat hits across the skull and around my shoulders. Still, I clung to her until this fit ended and she collapsed onto me once more.

"Damn it!" she cried and began to sob. "I'm just going to screw this up. It'll be just like everything that's come before."

"Screw what up?" Reaching out with my uninjured side, I lifted her head to take a good look at her. Her eyes were welling up with tears. Rivulets of rain and sorrow ran down her face. In all, she looked exactly like she had two months ago. This time, she lacked the bruises, but she still appeared to hold the weight of the world on her shoulders. I stroked her hair gently. My fingers caught the tangled strands and moved them away from her face.

"This," she sobbed, "this… everything!" She buried her face into the crook of my neck and cried. Her chest heaved with every motion as we lay on the sidewalk, rain pelting away at our bodies. The storm inside her was reaching its crescendo. It would burst, battering her around like a bird in a hurricane. Sunny skies had to follow.

She beat away at me, this time out of need rather than fury. Compared to the world, she seemed so small in that moment. I felt the need to comfort her for reasons I couldn't explain. So, I did. I reached out, cupping her cheek in my palm.

"Hey, it's okay. You didn't mess anything up." I stroked her face absentmindedly with my thumb. "We can go back to the house and cook up some real nice dinner together and then get some dry clothes on. Everything will be okay." I didn't know this for a fact, but it was the usual response that I could remember from Yuki's collection of shoujo manga. It was also what I'd normally say when Sakura came home from one of her few and far between arguments with her _gaki_ boyfriend.

She didn't respond for a moment, only continued to cry into my chest and beat her fists against me.

"Hold me." The words came from far outside the situation. I almost asked for her to repeat them until she nuzzled further into my neck. What she said suddenly clicked. "Please?" she pleaded.

"I would, but one of my arms isn't really responding to my commands." I looked up with a little twinkle in my eye. She sat bolt upright on my chest.

"Oh… " She brightened somewhat. "Ooh!" She looked down at me, not the shivering wreck she had been just moments before. He demeanor had changed completely from one instant to the next. "It isn't broken?"

"I told you before… I think you just dislocated my shoulder in that tumble."

"You did?"

I nodded, not trusting my mouth to remain smart and silent.

"It doesn't look to bad." She reached down and pressed against one of my shoulders. "This one?" I winced, but shook my head. She reached down and pressed against the other one. My body gave an involuntary jerk and I nodded through gritted teeth. "Close your eyes and grab onto something. This might hurt." I reached out, following her orders to the letter. I felt something soft and supple beneath my hand. My brain quickly imaged her leg, tightly grasped in my fingers as she popped my shoulder back into place. I bit back a scream and tightened my grip. She flinched but didn't speak at all. For a few moments, I lay there panting while she gingerly untangled my fingers from her thigh.

"That should be better, but we need to ice it." She stepped off my chest and cleared her face of the remaining tangles.

"You've done this much too often." I sat up, working my shoulder a little, bracing myself with my other hand.

"Sparring with Syaoran comes at a price," she said with a chuckled. Her expression turned. "And whenever that… thing…"

I shushed her, gently laying a finger over her lips. Her mouth twitched into a nervous half-smile. "You don't have to say anything."

"Thank you," she said softly. She extended an arm and helped me to my feet. Shifting to my uninjured side, she clung fast to my arm there. "Thank you for everything."

"You did pretty much everything tonight. I haven't done a thing," I insisted.

"Only because you just don't see it yet," she moved closer to me, leaning her head against my bicep.

Looking down at her, she suddenly became ten times as fragile and ten times as strong in the same instant. As she rubbed against my arm and closed her eyes, everything about her changed. She released me and ran on ahead.

She turned and waved at me halfway to the front door. "I'll get dinner started and find some towels for when you get in."

I only nodded. My shoulder popped, loud as a gunshot and she giggled.

"You really have done more than you could ever know for me," she said while turning towards the house. I barely even caught her words, but as I approached the house, the rain slowed to a trickle. The night moon began to pierce the clouds.

I didn't understand at the time, but it was the key to everything now.

_Small reminders…_

This story will never have an actual update schedule. It's more something that I'll post from time to time when it fancies me. I'm dreadfully sorry to all of you who are fans of Covered in Rain. It was a whim to begin with, so it will remain a whim until it's finished.

See you next update: _Ciuline_ _Ihmenjo_


	4. Tropical Depression

Thirty Kisses: Meilin Li and Touya Kinomoto

Covered in Rain

Written by: Ciuline Ihmenjo

CLAMP is the genius behind Card Captor Sakura. I do not own these characters, nor do I pretend to own them. My ideas and the stories that follow are my own follies.

_Little words…_

So, I suddenly found myself writing this. I don't know why. Then again, Covered in Rain has never come to me on a regular, updateable basis. I just know that when I get an idea for it, it POURS. I don't just write a little ditty, but the entire chapter just comes out all at once. So, without further ado, I present to you the next installment of my ever-awkward favorite romantic couple.

**o()o Tropical Depression o()o**

During some moments in the past, I found myself in a strange situation. I would be sitting in my room after another arranged marriage meeting or just a long day and find myself wishing you weren't so preoccupied with that stupid snow bunny. Even though you were hundreds of miles away, I just didn't want to admit something I never thought could exist. Just so long as I had that one little glimmer of wishful thinking, perhaps everything would be okay. At times, I hated myself for even wishing misfortune on another person. Other times, I wished you wouldn't find happiness, just I had not found it for myself.

I was confused at first. Why did I find myself attracted to you? I had Syaoran. He was enough for me and then some. I loved him for what he was… a pillar of strength. If he was there, I could weather even the fiercest storm. The only problem was that I had come to rely on that pillar. I think, after watching you, I realized you didn't have someone clinging to you – even if they did so unintentionally, as I did with Syaoran. You supported them from the background, enveloping them like an ocean. They did not have to rely on your abilities. They were still free to swim, but you were there to help them along. Your sister, that snow bunny, they were all present and supported in this ever-present buoyant force, but they remained somewhat unaware of exactly what you did for them.

It was when that selfish wish came true that I felt like I had done something terribly wrong. Had my prayers those many nights actually reached the gods? Had they heard out my selfish, childish desires and actually granted them?

Part of me wanted to crawl in a little hole and die when I got the time to think about what I had done. I know that it wasn't my fault. After all, what sort of benevolent maker would grant the wish of a little girl?

Apparently, not this one. And then he came.

Of course, at the time, I didn't know that you had suddenly been left on your own by the snow bunny. A lot of the time I was with him, I felt like it was some sort of karma. I had wished for something terrible. It had come true, but I didn't know that at the time. I figured that it might be my punishment to suffer for being so self-centered. You had seemed so happy. I had the gall to wish for that to go away.

Then, suddenly, it did. Most of me wanted to never have to see your face again. I couldn't bear having to explain that I had prayed those many nights for just a chance with you. I never wanted to have to face the nagging fear that stuck with me. If I had broken you up and this was my heaven-sent chance, what if I blew it? What if I screwed everything up? Even worse, what if you didn't accept me? I was dirty. I was broken. I didn't want you to see me like that because I was sure you would reject me on the spot. Of course, it was very hard to avoid any of that when I found myself knocking on your door.

Actually, I had expected to see Kinomoto. The other one – your sister – not you. So, when you opened the door and stood there with that silly look on your face, I couldn't help it. I wanted to cry. I wanted to hug you, actually. I looked like hell. I felt like hell. My arm hurt. My ribs hurt. I hurt. And I wanted to just collapse in your arms. At the time, I thought that I'd feel safe. Now that I've actually been there, I almost wish I had the courage that night to collapse into your arms. I think you would have welcomed me.

I know that I'm this sort of strange entity. First, I showed up unwelcome. Second, I take over your floor. Third, I took over your bed. Fourth, I slowly began to inch my way into your life. Finally, I think I stole your heart.

And then there are those times where I steal your shower. Maybe that will have to wait for another time. You see, you have this very comfortable shower head. It's the perfect remedy for those long and stressful days where you just need boiling needles pounding the frustrations out of your back.

It doesn't help that all of the towels smell like you.

O o o o o O

"Neh," I found myself saying, "Touya, what do you think about when we sleep together?" I was snuggled up against you on the couch for a well-needed cuddle. It had been a long day. After a heated session with the school, my credits had finally transferred. I'd be starting classes at the beginning of the spring semester. I would be behind, but at least I would be. It was the chance I was looking for: the ability to put the past behind me and start over. Really, though, this was even better. I would be starting over again in familiar territory.

You swallowed, hard. "And what do you mean by that?" It was so cute the way you blushed. You fidgeted with a strand of my hair and finally put your chin atop my head.

"I mean exactly what I said," I replied.

"Well, it's not all rainbows and fireworks," you offered. I could feel my head vibrate every with every syllable that left your lips. I just couldn't bring myself to say anything. Even after my groan and my half-hearted attempt to hit you, though, you remained silent. At least you stopped talking.

"It's not that difficult of a question!"

You picked me up easily and turned me around on your lap. "Then what if I asked you?"

"If you asked me what I thought about during sex?"

"Yes." I thought it was a simple enough question. You rolled your eyes and followed the motion with a heaving sigh.

"The sex isn't enough?" I said slyly. It was your turn to groan.

"That's dodging the question."

"But I already know the answer." You looked at me, more in disbelief than anything else. "I think that I could never be any safer than I am in that moment."

I think that I left you completely speechless. It wasn't the first time. For a moment, you sat there, working your mouth up and down. I couldn't take it and broke down into a fit of giggles. It, fortunately, snapped you out of your little fishy trance. "Th… that… that's really sappy for you." As soon as the words left your mouth, I slugged you with the closest pillow I could find. "It is," you said in your defense while ducking another pillow. "I'm just not used to you being sappy and such."

"I can be sappy," I pouted, dropping my fluffy weapon of choice. You smiled, something goofy, and poked me in the nose, letting your finger linger there. For a moment, I went cross-eyed. I adjusted myself and slinked back into my little indention in the couch. Actually, your arm was just a more comfortable location. I felt safe there, as if nothing in the world could touch me. Just being there, wrapped up in your arms, I was invincible. For a long time, we remained that way.

"You're being cuddly," you said finally with a tone that begged for the end of this discussion.

I nodded. "Cuddly is okay. At least you make for a good pillow." I curled more into the crook of your arm and shut my eyes.

"Now it's my turn."

"For?" I asked, looking up at you.

"Why me?" It was a response and a question all in its own.

I choked, audibly, before dissolving in a fit of coughing. It was two syllables, though, that felt like a shot point-blank to my ribs. I could even feel the bullet exiting my back. I took a sharp breath to fight the pain that accompanied those two words. When I looked up, I could see the concern in your eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"I… yes… no… I mean…" I wanted to look everywhere else. I couldn't meet your eyes. If I looked in your eyes right now, I wouldn't be able to stay here. I'd run, fleeing into the street all over again. Maybe this time, I wouldn't end up hurting you. It may hurt more than the words that rose into my throat despite my efforts to permanently swallow them.

"It's okay," you said softly. And my little blanket of security returned, if only ever so briefly. I still had to deal with the panic that threatened to launch my body out the nearest exit – irritatingly enough, a window. I still had to deal with the reply I never wanted to say. "I'm sorry if I did anything."

"It's not you," I began.

You quirked an eyebrow. "You know, that's usually reserved for situations where we're breaking up, right?"

"Please, not now." I looked pleadingly into your eyes. It was a mistake I realized all too late. Tears welled up in my eyes and everything broke in a single instant. You didn't say a word. Thank you for understanding. I felt two arms around me and the soothing brush of your lips on my forehead.

"I hated him," I said finally. I could feel myself trembling with my efforts to control the sobs that wracked my body. Maybe I was trembling from the sobs. I was trembling, that much was obvious, but I didn't care. I just felt weak. "I hated him for being the thing I could never be. I hated him for being the one you loved. I hated you for being happy with him, and I wished I could take his place. God, I prayed so many nights that you would just look this way. Maybe one night, you'd realize that I needed you so badly." You still remained silent, so I continued. "I felt horrible when I found out that you had split apart with him. It was like I had gone through those last few months of hell as reparation for some cardinal sin. I never wanted you to actually lose him. I never wanted it to end up like this."

You ran a hand sheepishly through your hair. "I don't mind this situation, though."

"I don't either, but I just never wanted it to have to be this way."

"You needed me, and I needed something. I selfishly decided that you would fill a void. When you reached out to me, I decided to be there to get you back on your feet." You smiled and your lips grazed my forehead against. "It was very selfish of me. I just told myself I'd never fall in love. Somewhere along the way, I forgot that silly promise to myself. At the time, it just felt right." That cute little flush returned to your cheeks for a moment. "It still feels right, even if it may not last forever, right now, it feels right."

I knew you were trying to comfort me, but your words seemed to have the opposite effect. I felt more tears coming. "But, I wished that you wouldn't be happy with him! I wanted you for myself." I sniffled and tried to hide myself further in your arm.

"How can you blame yourself for something out of your control?" You chuckled. Even though I couldn't hear you, I could feel your arms shaking for the briefest of moments. "I'd understand if you were my sister, maybe, but it's not like Yuki decided to pursue interests elsewhere because you willed it into existence. We still keep in touch, and he's quite happy in his situation. He wishes the best for me, as well."

"Even though you're with the one who wanted you to part ways with him?"

You contemplated my words for a moment. "Does it always have to rain in your world?"

"Neh?" My expression flashed confusion. It was more than enough to drive the remnants of panic from my brain. Now that my mind had a new interesting thing to which to cling, it no long cared that I was scared out of my wits. I was scared of rejection even after you had accepted me.

"Maybe I should add 'insecure' to your list of traits. I think it fits somewhere in between cuddly and stubborn." You paused, but I wasn't sure what to do. I could only try and hide myself further in the crook of your arm. Finally, you titled my head up. "It's a joke. You were supposed to laugh."

"I don't feel like laughing, silly." I sniffled again.

"I could always add silly to that list, too." You cracked a smile and plucked me from my little sanctuary in your arm. "You just need to remember, I didn't care those months ago when you showed up on my doorstep. I've put up with you – as you put it – since that time. I have no intention of letting you go."

"Really?"

"Really," you confirmed. "Now, I believe we were trying to cuddle. At least, you were. I do think it's possible to cuddle when you're the pillow."

"Yes, but you have arms. And they're perfect." I smiled and settled back down on the couch. After a few minutes of shifting, I found my head in your lap and your face over mine.

"Perfect for cuddling?"

I smiled, lifting my body to give you a quick kiss on the lips. "No, they're perfect for so many other reasons."

Your eyebrow arches again as you just shake your head, dissolving into those silent chuckles I've grown so familiar with. It's very common to wake up and look at you in the morning experiencing that same fit. Maybe it's just my timing.

"I have perfect arms?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" I attempted the most aggravated tone I could muster, but I think it only came across as mock-annoyance.

"No, really," you said, amusement creeping into your voice, "are they strong and muscular? Do they have supple curves? Would my arms stand a chance against Hercules?" Your voice cracked with the last few syllables. I found one of your hands pinning me into the couch. I was too far comfortable to take any effort to slug you. Besides, the pillows were out of reach. It's almost as if you planned for this to happen.

I sighed and shifted, trying to find a good position with your body rumbling from your repressed laughter. "Touya, don't ever change, okay?"

"What brought this on?" You peered down at me. I could see your face through half-lidded eyes. Instead of watching you any longer, I decided to shut my eyes. "No, really," you added, "this is so uncharacteristically like you."

I allowed my eyes to open for a moment and stared at you menacingly. "I don't feel like slugging you with a pillow and you're asking me to change that?"

"Touche," you said with a slight grin.

I shut my eyes once more and snuggled into you. "I just think that if anything ever changed, we'd find that we're really not in as perfect a situation as we figured."

"Even then, as stupid as we can be sometimes, I'm sure we'd figure out a way to thwart even fate itself. Besides, if we were in fact perfect for each other, I'd hate that. Perfect is far too overrated. We'd end up like my sister and that silly _gaki_ of yours."

"Z'not a _gaki_," I muttered sleepily.

"Of course, he's not, but I'd still rather not end up like them."

"Touya, dear," I sighed, "if we ended up like them, we would no longer be ourselves."

You patted my head and ruffled my hair a little. "Yes, but they do at least have something. Maybe we could figure out exactly what that is." You paused and I almost opened my eyes to determine why. "And if we do, maybe we will have something."

"Like them?" I asked.

"Like them," you replied.

I smiled. Something sounds good. It's much better than nothing. It's far better than self-doubt and all the questions I had never found answers for. Maybe I never wanted to. Still, something sounded great so long as I knew you would be there with me.

_To Finish…_

I actually lost my rhythm here, for a bit. I got stuck on one word. I'm six pages into the bloody chapter and suddenly, all that creative energy just ground to a halt. Now, I know that seems silly, one word, right? Well, I just couldn't figure out the word, and it's like the front most car of a bullet train coming to an abrupt stop. Everything just kinda piled up behind it and went careening off the tracks. Poor train of thought, it never stood a chance.

Regardless, I hope you enjoyed this latest entry into my not-so-oft-updated story.

_Ciuline_ _Ihmenjo_


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